THE COMMITTED LEADER CYCLE

The world tells us from a young age to put leaders on a pedestal and that being in a leadership role is the thing to aspire to. It becomes the definition of success.

 

My brilliant thoughts on this:

IT. IS. DUMB.

FOR A FEW REASONS.

  • 01 | We all know

    alleged leaders that make life hell for everyone around them. Why would that be something to aspire to?

  • 02 | Because we’re taught

    that leadership is the thing to aspire to, we can end up down a path that perhaps we would not have chosen if we were tapped into what we truly wanted.

  • 03 | The idea of leadership

    gets boxed into traditional ideals and standards that leave out more than half the population.

WHAT IF…

What if we looked at leadership as something that generates more possibility in the world for you and everyone around you?

What if we took leadership off of a pedestal and instead tapped into the humanity that makes great leaders?

What if we took the angst out of leadership to do it a certain way and allowed more leaders to bring themselves to it and ultimately delight in leading and living?

If you breathed a sigh of relief and found yourself whispering (or shouting) “fuck yes” to yourself, then you are likely a committed leader. 

 

Committed leaders are the leaders that understand their leadership has an impact on others and they don’t take that responsibility lightly.

  • Committed leaders see something bigger than themselves.

  • Committed leaders deeply care about the people around them.

  • Committed leaders don’t expect to master leadership but that their growth, learning, and creating will be lifelong.

This commitment is what has allowed so much of their success. It is what has contributed to them being in the leadership role they are in.

It is also the thing that makes them want to run away from all humans and all responsibilities sometimes (how often do you fantasize about hiding out in a mountain or beach retreat?).

It is the thing that makes leadership exhausting and stressful.

It is the thing that makes their self-doubt louder, eroding their self-trust.

It is what creates this tension between being a great leader and having a great life.

There is another option, where you get to…

AMPLIFY YOUR IMPACT, REDUCE THE TOLL LEADERSHIP TAKES ON YOU, AND DELIGHT IN YOUR LIFE.

Yep. I’m as serious as when Darth Vader tells Luke he’s his father (except hopefully you’re yelling “Yeesssss!” to all of this and not the heart-wrenching “Noooooo” of Luke.).

  • I want you to have the impact you dream about.

  • I want you to trust everything you are so that leadership is less stressful.

  • I want you to have more fun in your life and leadership.

 
 

And in this moment, while you are reading this page, I REALLY want you to know that if you are struggling with self-doubt, or not being the leader you want, or if you are exhausted and not enjoying much, or you don’t know what you want next …

YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.

Every committed leader I have ever worked with bumps up against self-doubt, pressures, and burn out. 

THERE. IS. NOTHING. WRONG. YOU.

You’re walking this world being a leader based on old ways of leadership. What I have found is that each phase of leadership comes with its own existential crisis and opportunities to do things differently.

Through all of the work I have done with leaders the past 20 years, I have summarized the phases into three stages, I call, The Committed Leader Cycle.

Distinguishing where you are at in this cycle, will allow you to see that it’s not weird that you are feeling the way you are, that you’re amongst good company of great leaders who also experience this, and that there is a path forward for you that allows you to have a more free and fulfilling experience of leadership and your life.

In each phase of leadership there are mindsets, critiquing of the systems you are in, behaviors, practices, skills, internal shifts, and more that will allow you to cultivate a way of leadership specific to YOU. You can read through all of the phases or choose your own adventure using the quick links below.

 

PHASE 1: NEW LEADERSHIP ROLE

I recently saw a video where a Rottweiler rushed his owner (both are fine). It turns out that the human left with long curly hair and came back with a crew cut. The dog didn’t recognize his human until he got up close. Then it was all waggy tails and kisses.

This is what happens when a committed leader gets in an exciting new role. They are in a new container thinking everything has changed. They overestimate the difference. They fail to see that they are still very talented and capable, just with a new package or hair cut. When they fail to see the through-line of what they’ve done before with the role they are doing now, they get racked with self-doubt. 

So instead of loving their proverbial new haircut they are rushing themselves with outdated views of themselves and there is no tail wagging delight.

01

  • Leia (not her actual name as confidentiality is critical to the safe space I create with my clients, so names and identifying details are changed) came to me as a first time CEO. She already had years of leadership experience, extremely talented and capable, and her company was doing amazing work for often underrepresented groups. 

    When I say Leia is/was fire, I’m not exaggerating. Anyone looking on from the outside would see a powerful, loving, confident, ambitious, leader full of swagger, making all kinds of moves.

    What they could not see is that being new to the CEO role was triggering all kinds of self-doubt. That self-doubt was replaying old stories, old “mistakes”, and having her question her ability to lead and grow her company and people. 

    Leia had forgotten that all of her past experiences perfectly primed her for this role. In forgetting that, comparison with other leaders was running the show. 

    In addition to the existential crisis of confidence, there were also the skills that Leia wanted to learn to fully embody the CEO she was committed to being. Skills like creating a culture of trust, skills like having the “hard” conversations and being comfortable with the uncomfortable, skills like leading executives and delegating more to others, skills like communicating in a way that allows people to really hear you. 

    While Leia and I talked about everything going on in her leadership and life - the focus was always on - what will support her in trusting who she is, what she brings to leadership, and what is her truth about the life she wants?

    Leia would go on to grow her company, develop an exceptional executive team, win awards, and remember the parts of her life that brought her joy. More importantly, Leia was able to cultivate the tools and skills and internal beliefs that allowed her to say and know it to her core, “I was built for this.”  

 

Whether you are new to a role, a company, an industry, or stepping into something different, as a committed leader and human being you will have similar experiences to Leia. 

You land a new role. You are excited about it. You can see how all the work you put in prior helped you get this job. You want to dive in and generate great work and fulfill the demands and expectations of the role. You see this as an opportunity to leverage all of your background, experiences, and skills while also allowing yourself to revitalize your enthusiasm for the work.

Soon though, the excitement began to be replaced with mean thoughts driven by doubt and fear.

  • Where you had confidence to fill the role, you now have a barrage of shit-talking inner gremlins creating angst around your qualifications, choices, and your leadership.

While intellectually you know you can rock this role, the self-doubt is having you question what had you think that this career move was a good idea.

Please know, this flip flop from excitement to self-doubt is very common. You are a high-performing human being with a life-time of conditioning that we are not taught how to navigate. If you want to lead and live with more fulfillment and freedom and impact, there is another option.

It’s discovering and owning your own version of leadership. It is tapping into your inner knowing and trusting that what got you here makes you uniquely qualified for this role. It is also about ensuring you have the tactical and strategic outlines for your role so that you can move through the blueprint of what your leadership is going to be in this role and beyond.

 

WHICH MEANS YOU’LL NEED TO:

  • Establish your leadership style and voice

  • Get elevation from the individual contributor work

  • Evaluate what skills you want to add to your tool belt

  • Be with the additional responsibilities of this role and the pressure from expectations you’ve put on yourself

  • Expand your ability to be with discomfort

  • Uplevel your support

  • Be clear on the lifestyle you want so that your leadership fits your life

  • Plus work through goals, challenges and opportunities specific to you

So that like Leia, you can trust that you were built for the role, you can reap more of the rewards from leadership and less of the cost, and you can do the work you are here to do with more delight.

If you find yourself in this phase of The Committed Leader Cycle:

 

PHASE 2: ESTABLISHED IN ROLE AND WANT TO UPLEVEL LEADERSHIP

Geese fly in a V formation. In this formation, the Geese take turns on who is flying at the tip of the V. Which means others get to lead and be with different levels of wind resistance. 

At this stage, the leaders I work with, they are always at the tip of the V. They are always taking the brunt of the wind. They are constantly flying hard with the most friction. And what we actually have to learn is the skill of letting go of control (which is usually about trust).

You don’t have to have your hands in everything. In fact, having more autonomy and trust with your team is a win for everybody. They get to learn and grow. You get to contribute to the excellence of everyone around you. Which is one of the ways you increase your influence.

The thing is, we don’t necessarily learn that leadership can look different than being the one that does it all. Not in a culture who fetishes who do you see first - who is the brightest, biggest, shiniest at the front. 

02

  • Jyn (not her actual name as confidentiality is critical to the safe space I create with my clients, so names and identifying details are changed) came to me very established in her role. She had decades of experience in the tech industry, had been in her current role for four years, and was widely respected for her work.

    While everything about Jyn’s work and life looked admirable, Jyn was drained, easily annoyed by people, her personal life was on the back burner, and she had a desire to get promoted and yet found herself stuck.

    Jyn could see that she was great at her job but was not able to see what was in the way of her progressing to the next level of leadership. She could also not see any other way to lead and live besides sacrificing her own needs for others resulting in a whole lot of “fuck off” resentment.

    Jyn was operating in the leadership she knew, not necessarily the leadership that would have her grow her influence and skills beyond her current level.

    In addition to the existential crisis that comes with “I feel stuck” and people suck, there were also the skills that Jyn wanted to learn to define her version of leadership, skills to identify and elevate her brand, skills to be her greatest advocate in navigating her promotion, skills to take big visions from idea to execution, skills to lead all different types of personalities, and the skills to put her back in the equation.

    While Jyn and I talked about everything going on in her leadership and life - the focus was always on - who does she say she is as a leader?, what will she practice trusting about herself?, and what does she really want in upleveling her leadership and life?

    Jyn would go on to get promoted to Chief of Staff, move to a new city/state where she built the feeling of community she had been craving, picked up a new hobby that was an expression of all parts of her, and deepened relationships all around her. More importantly, Jyn was able to get her mojo back and feel grounded in her leadership and life.

 

YOU’VE BEEN IN YOUR ROLE AWHILE NOW.

Long enough to feel solid in your contributions and what you have accomplished in the role. While you appreciate that you have a good job and career, you are surprised by the toll leading at this level is taking on you. The pressures of this echelon of leadership leaves you exhausted, at times resentful, and very much longing for freedom from the grind of it all. 

You got into leadership to have a greater impact and yet you find yourself drained wondering how much longer you can or even want to do it. This is a common side effect of leading as a high-performer without the internal and external foundations of alignment. 

  • This is not your fault.

    We are not taught these things. We learn that leadership is what we are supposed to do but we are not taught how to ensure our floor is just as important as the ceiling we strive to surpass. We are not taught that we can care deeply about the people, work, and causes AND care deeply about ourselves. There is a way to lead and have the impact you want while also enjoying the pleasures you so deeply crave in your life. There is a way to uplevel your leadership that doesn’t mean more work. You get to enjoy yourself and be exceptional at what you do.

     

WHICH MEANS YOU’LL NEED TO:

  • Re-evaluate your values, mission, purpose, and what had you choose the path you are on

  • Get very clear on the influence and impact you want to have

  • Raise your floor so you can be fully nourished

  • Identify and elevate your brand

SO THAT LIKE JYN…

you get your leadership swagger back, you have less stress and struggle with people’s humanity, and your life and leadership is integrated in a way that fulfills you.

 

If you find yourself in this phase of The Committed Leader Cycle:

 

PHASE 3: NOW WHAT?

You know the movies where an event upends the main character's life and has them re-evaluate what is important to them? Those movies are made so often that it has become a cliche, a trope. 

(Hey, I’m not hating on that trope. I’m moved by those movies. I can’t count how many times I’ve watched Under the Tuscan Sun).

I use it to highlight that what we often see portrayed is that crisis provokes evaluation. It can.

What we don’t often see and is a little known secret about leadership is that real success can provoke the same experience.

Is this what I really want to be doing? 

Is there something else out there for me? 

What else could my life look like?

Basically, what now?

What is on the other side of taking a bold look at your work and life, is real magic. First, though you’ve got some heavy lifting to do. You’ve got some important questions to look at.

03

  • Han (not his actual name as confidentiality is critical to the safe space I create with my clients, so names and identifying details are changed) came to me as a highly accomplished leader - Forbes 30 Under 30, CTO of a well-known company doing good work, and confident in what he brings to leadership.

    While Han was grateful and appreciative of all of his success, something was missing for him. He knew that he wanted to be a great team member to his executive team. He knew that he wanted to be motivated and challenged by his work again. He knew that he wanted to solve big problems in the world. And he knew that whatever he did next - he wanted it to be an intentional choice that also worked for his life.

    What Han didn’t know was where to begin and what to base his choices off of. Because he had success in his leadership, there were many opportunities available to him. Opportunities that might look great on paper but didn’t mean they were right for him.

    Han also struggled with the doubt of making a change - what if it was the wrong choice? What if he won’t be successful somewhere else? What if it’s not the right time?

    In addition to the existential crisis that comes with “I know there is something else out there for me, but what is it?” there were also the skills that Han wanted to learn to create a transition plan that worked for everyone, the skills to discern what is for him and what is from shoulds, the skills to translate what he has done to where he’s going, and the skills to create his next thing intentionally and purposefully.

    While Han and I talked about everything going on in his leadership and life - the focus was always on - what are the answers you need from within yourself to feel aligned in what you do next?, what will you trust about everything you are in service of where you are going?, and what does the best chapter of your leadership and life yet - look like?

    Han would go on to say yes to a CTO job and company completely in alignment with what he wanted, he created his transition out of the company he co-founded with partnership and reverence, and he was able to define and document his leadership ethos that he would bring into his future work and life.

Whew, have you done some great work! You look at your career thus far and you can see the ripple effects of the differences you have made.

You can see that by saying yes to different opportunities you have created a career that has allowed you to create a network of people who respect you. You are highly regarded for your work. The thing is, you find yourself wondering if this is it. Is this work the pinnacle of your life? You’ve spent so much time focused on getting to this point that you feel like you have lost parts of yourself.

You understand that you could keep going on this path, yet you deeply crave something else.

But what is that something else? With so many things you could do, how do you make sure that whatever you choose next is going to provide what you crave?

The answer - you do it with alignment.

Over the course of our lives, due to external messages that create internal conditioning, we can lose little parts of ourselves, our dreams, and what makes us come alive. 

To powerfully create what is next for you, you need to get back to who you truly are, what you really want, and how you ultimately want to experience your life.

IN THIS PHASE IT’S ALL ABOUT ALIGNMENT

Shedding any identities that were never yours to begin with.

Owning identities that feel fully you.

Looking at your life and leadership as if it were a blank canvas that you could build anew from (even though you may not start over it’s helpful to reimagine w/o what is as a filter). 

Having the decision points and filters to help you make the best choices for you.

 

So that like Han, you can create what is next for you in a way that feels like magic and soul fulfilling existence and so that all parts of your life are as important as who you are as a leader.

 

If you find yourself in this phase:

It’s not an exaggeration to say that you could do almost anything as your “next”.

Let’s make sure that whatever you do choose, it sets you up to love your next chapter.

A chapter that amplifies the impact you are all about, a chapter that reduces the ongoing stresses leadership can create, a chapter that is full of delicious delight. 

 

Remember, there is nothing wrong with you and the toll leadership is taking on you. There is no one size fits all for leadership. There is no one answer to the questions you are seeking.

There is however, a version of your leadership that will allow you to amplify the impact and differences you want to bring to people, a version that does not take such a large toll on you personally, and a version that puts delight front and center in your life.

I work with leaders in each stage of this leadership cycle. Regardless of what phase we start in, the work is about you trusting yourself more than you ever have so that the fluctuations of life and leadership have less impact on you.

Curious to learn more about the process of making these changes?

Check out my signature The Re-Lead Framework.