If we listened to what the world says about growth and transformation it sounds really awe-inspiring. Like frolicking through fields and wildflowers.

What is often not talked about is the absolute messy shit show that growth can be.

The way you think about leadership. The way you lead. The way you communicate, act, interact with people, make decisions, see things - these all make up a leadership ethos that you have.

It is really easy to assume that what we know is no big deal.

I can not tell you how many times in a conversation with a smart, highly capable, successful, caring leader … they’ve underestimated their contributions, skills, knowledge, etc.

And then wonder why we are walking around emotionally constipated and rolling our eyes at our fellow human's emotions.

It is an examination of our internal beliefs and stories and conditioning. It is an active choice to disrupt the conditioning that feeds our patterns and an intentional choice to practice something else.

There comes a point (whether it is at 10, 20, 40 or 90 yrs of age), where something starts gnawing at you. Something feels off. Something feels like it is missing.

When we go deeper beyond the first things they are in search of (i.e. wanting), we often find that there is an experience of life and leadership that they crave.

They have a belief that if they have compassion for themselves they won't end up doing anything. That somehow compassion will turn them into a waste of space and they will never achieve anything.

I think we often equate power with hurt because we’ve seen power wielded in ways that have very dangerous outcomes.

They have a constant hum of dissatisfaction. They feel like something is missing. They are curious about what else is out there for them.

That decision you need to make.⁠ That conversation you need to have.⁠ That action that you know is the next one to take.⁠ It has been gnawing at you. You've already played out some version of it in your mind.⁠

Part of the toxic leadership conditioning many of us receive, is to make sure everything is orderly, agreeable, not making waves, palpable, keep people happy, and more.⁠

The language used for conversations we don’t typically like include difficult, challenging, and uncomfortable.

There is nothing wrong with that language.

What messages inform how you defined leadership?

What if the version of leadership you think you are supposed to be, doesn’t actually work for you?

I like to think the goal is to know ourselves enough that we can tell when our need to be loved and accepted is having us behave or make choices that don't align with what we really want.

Imagine it with me: Your career so far - whew - have you done some great work!

You can see the ripple effects of the differences you have made.

Imagine it with me: You’ve been in your role awhile now.

You feel solid in your contributions and what you have accomplished in the role

Imagine it with me: You land a new role.

It’s a SIGNIFICANT step up in your leadership.

The world tells us from a young age to put leaders on a pedestal and that being in a leadership role is the thing to aspire to. It becomes the definition of success.

Every committed leader I have worked with was personally sacrificing something really important.